So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
