how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
