Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
