when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
areolas are like halos for boobs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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