Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
