shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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