No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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