i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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