He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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