His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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