I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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