well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
