At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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