guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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