We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders