Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.