being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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