I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
