Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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