We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
