Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
