i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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