plz talk dirty to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
