I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
