I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
