She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
