you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
