There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
