All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
