I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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