I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
