i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
