Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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