hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
