this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
