we're chasing vodka with high fives
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
