I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
