Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
