i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
worst night to have a conscience
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
