i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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