Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wear drunk well.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
