If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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