I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
