Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
