Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
