I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is Oprah even human
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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