her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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