can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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