I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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