Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
