I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize