i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
