When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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