I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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