There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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