Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i've created a new STD.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
