yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
