So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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