I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize