Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
