Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
