Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
